Blended families

So this was the most interesting because  I haven't had much exposure to divorced family the only exposure I could have is when I was a counselor at EFY and was surprised at how many kids  who were in my group were from Divorced families. The focus was on divorce and  families who get remarried and are blended together. One new fact that I found this week was how people talk about divorce and how its  at 50%  Well its hard to get a accurate number of divorced families because ow do we know that in that 50% are the numbers of people who are getting divorced again or who are on their 3 or 4th marriage?  Another thing which I learned in marriage 300 which applied to 160 as well was that 80% of the time if couples just stick through it usually in five years when you ask them how t heir marriage is they will usually say really good! There are a lot of ways of preventing divorce and their are a lot of people who want to help you keep your family together. Another sad trend is that couples usually won't go and see a counselor until 3-7 years when they are having problems. The next topic we discussed was about blended families which are families getting remarried and having to blend their families together! Now brother Williams brought in a guest speaker  was his wife. They told their story of how they blended their families together with Brother Williams marrying his wife and being thrown into being a father. Now for me I think that would be scary, but I think that people who are in  those circumstances choose whether or not they want to be that child's dad or not. I never realized some of the problems that came with blending families. For some it can be easy, but for others it can be brutally hard with all the new changes and things that happen in a family. It takes around 2 years for a blended family to get settled in Normalcy, but even then its still not enough time.  This week in class was interesting because it showed a lot of things that happen when families get blended together this class gave me a lot to think about how blended families are like which I find will be very helpful to me in the future.

Fathers

One of the weeks we talked about Fathers and how important they are. Now there are some people now a days that are saying that Fathers aren't needed to much and that people can raise a family by themselves! Well there is a lot of research that says otherwise! One of  the research results  was that  children who grow up with out a father in the home have a lower income and live in poverty.  Having a father in the home is the best way to fight  against poverty! This was something that was really interesting to me to think about  how fathers are able to help fight against family poverty.Another thing is that fathers provide a role in the family which is vital to the upbringing of  families fathers have  the role of presiding, providing and protecting. They are also their to help the mother to raise their children. I am grateful for my Father and for the things he did for  the family. He was also there to help teach us things about how we should act and be like. I also think that when a man becomes a father I think there is something in him that just wants the best for the child and is willing to sacrifice. There is a saying that when a man becomes married I think he is closer to being more of a man, but I think that when he gets his  first child I think he matures more and becomes more unselfish because of the children that need him. I am grateful for all the father figures that have been in my life I know that because of their example I want to be the best father I can be, but my main example of  trying to be a good dad is my own Dad and all  the sacrifices he has done for me and my siblings.

Counsel!

When we learned about coping with stress and dealing with problems one of the best class periods I had was when we talked about Counseling with each other. Brother Williams gave a great example of how people always counsel in the church, but more importantly how the Lord has set up why counseling is important. I had always known that counseling with was good, but I never really figured out why. As we talked about it I could see how counseling was a pattern and a communication skill that can help sole so many problems. a example of counseling could be this picture yourself with children (if you have  some then picture yours) but a serious family concern goes up and you  counsel with each other as a family. Now that you have this image in your head why do you think that counseling is better then just telling what will happen and that the end of the story. Counseling is a way to help us feel more  of our spouses insights as well as our Father in Heavens way of looking at things. For me I find that counseling is one of the better ways of  handling things because I think  when we are in the attitude of counseling we are willing and more eager to listen to each other and wanting to solve the problem. For me this is the way I will want to solve problems or when ever things arise and I need to counsel with my future wife I will always try to do it in this method and then counsel with my family to see where they stand on things.

Under Pressure!

Yes I used a  song title to do this blog! So! This was a very interesting week to see and I am going to explain the family systems theory!

What the family system theory is it is a theory that helps marriage therapists to discover the relationship between family members. So here is what I am going to have you do  is Put down M for mom and D for dad Now I am going to explain a little what this is all about. Were going to model what a family relationship  happens under stress using this Model. Now this model is to help us see the relationship between the family so for right now I would like you to make a circle using dashes around the Mom and Dad signifying that they have a open and close relationship with each other make sure you put them pretty close to each other. Now when doing the circle with the dotted line try to make them pretty even spaced showing that yes they have a good relationship with each other but enough to where they don't let other people know the personal things thats going on. Now were going to use this model  so imagine that something bad happens to this couple putting them under stress. Now in this case the couple begin to fight what I want you to do is draw a dashed line but some what smaller between  the two. now in this case we see that this fight has caused them to put something between the two for what ever reason the two slowly move apart. It can be things like these that can put a family under stress and you can see that it splits the relationship with the two making it so that its a little stressed.  Were  going to fix that line now so go ahead and erase it the couple  fixed the problems they were having.

This model also works with larger families one you do this keep in mind your own relationship and put them in accordingly whether your closer to some or not when you do that space yourself out showing your relationship also I talked a little about dashed lines there is another kind of lines which are solid which signifies that your relationship is closed off to others usually this is negative where you do that where you don't want to take part  with them.

This part of the class helped me to see how stressors can effect families and how there is a need to repair damages done in order for the family to be one solid unit. This was a very fascinating lesson which helped me to understand how family system theory works under stressed families.

Intimacy

For some this may have been a uncomfortable part  I am grateful that I was in Marriage 300 with brother Gardner we talked about this part in class. we talked about how important it is for couples to have healthy intimate lives with each other. One thing we discussed in Marriage 300 was the whole now there were married anything goes style of living. Which  is not the case, we talked about how when it comes to that both spouses must think of each others feelings, also giving respect and dignity to each other. I think  a lot of the worlds views that what ever happens in the bedroom goes! Which I think can be very harmful if they are not thinking about their spouses dignity and respecting them and just aiming to please their  needs and gratification.  In the family 160 class we talked about the stages of arousal in men and women and how they both work physiologically. At the same time sex is important to couples it's how they bond and show love towards each other as well as thats how children are born! ( yes they don't come from storks!)   Sex is also part of our Heavenly Fathers plan because it brings his children to this world in a family! I think that another part which was important to me was that in the world we live in sex is just thrown out their for us all to see and hear when it reality its a very sacred and private thing that should stay between Husband and Wife. The world emphasizes on do it now and gain your satisfaction there are no consequences. On the contrary my dear Watson there is some evidence that says other wise about premarital sex. I have seen how it is important for people to wait until they are married to have such strong intimate bonds with one another. I have also seen how it can bring a lot of unwanted consequences when it happens.

I suppose I should just finish it by saying to those who are married keep your sexual life based respect and dignity for each other. For those who aren't married just wait it will be all the sweeter when you have found that person you want to be with and share that part of your life with.

I am married now what?

This lesson was very interesting to me because we used a lot of the family system theory which I highly enjoy looking at, but how does one transition into marriage now from  spending a good portion of your life single?
These are questions that we talked about in the class how on earth do we transition from that? I mean we now have someone we are married to. For myself I  think it will be a little new trying to get used to being married. I don't think that it will take to much time seeing as how I have lived with people for 2 years of my life on the mission. I think the mission gives you a taste of that in a lot of ways being with someone and seeing how they  do  things it prepares you a lot for marriage and how you want your relationship between you and your spouse to be. We talked about in class how it needs to be right then and there when Husband and Wife are married that they need to start deciding the roles that each will have with one another.  Another big thing we talked about which I stated previously in the other blog was planning your wedding. We talked about how yes wedding are important, but is it necessary for every wedding to be expensive? A lot of families go into debt I found out already because of the big wedding! Now myself I don't know what kind of wedding I and my future wife will want to have,but I know it won't be a expensive wedding ( that doesn't mean I don't want it to be nice! It just means that  it will be simple and nice)

Another big thing that we discussed in class was the honeymoon which is another important part of transitioning. I would have to agree with what was said in class that I think the world puts to much of a emphasis on a exotic place to go and the sex! We talked about how this is a crucial time and it is important  for physical intimacy,however, this can also be the time where you can spend quality time still getting to know your spouse ( yes even if you are just married you can still learn more things about one another) I would have to agree that spending that quality time with your spouse could be the best honeymoon!  

Preparing for marriage

Like so many of us ( including myself )  we wonder how best can we prepare ourselves for marriage  and how can one solidify that precious relationship that we want to have with our soon to be spouse? Here are some ways that I found really interesting in the class. one thing that I remember is just because your getting engaged doesn't mean that the courting should stop there! in fact that's the perfect time to do more things that a husband and wife would be doing like making choices!. That is a huge responsibility one that I don't think a lot of newly wed couples are to aware of is the choices that they need to be making NOW! not later in a marriage.  I feel that it is important for people to start making choices now one big time that we talked about where choices could help was  planning a wedding ( Le gasp! Did I say that!?!? Yes I did.)  I know that planning a wedding seems like it should only be the brides thing to do, but this is some very critical time in a relationship where BOTH Spouses can be making a impact on such a special day.  Yes even though we of the Male gender have very little sense of coordinating a wedding it still is important to our spouses that we help them figure out what to do, what looks nice imputing our feelings and thoughts on it do this because that will make you a smart future husband is letting her know that you care about some of the little things in the planning.

I think another big important part in this is to understand planning is a huge one not just in a wedding sense, but where to live? How to figure out the roles of YOUR NEW FAMILY when it happens Who will work and what will happen when a bundle of joy comes along?  Its things like that a couple need to start thinking and planning for in their marriage way ahead of time. Also continue to court and try not being selfish towards your spouse

Gender roles

So I have been thinking long and hard about the class last week and how to write about it so today I am merely going to write down how I felt and some of the things which I saw in class.

We talked a lot about gender roles in today's society and how they were changing incredibly quickly.  There were some definite extremes, for example one video we watched  there two group feminist and male activist ( I never heard of one till that video!) The feminist in that movie said we should raise our sons to be more like our daughters. Now this posed a question in my mind why should I be  raised like a daughter? For any of those that know me I am actually pretty sensitive to others needs so I can check that one off for me,l but it still bothered me why  would people want to do that?  Who we are is divinely appointed to us by God ( see my first blog post about the family proclamation) We are who we are for a purpose  girls and boys. Now this question could not apply to me at all in any way shape or form because My mother ( who has won the mother of the year award! Good job Matt) raised 6 boys and a girl! Now some may say well she is a Tom boy then. Not necessarily, she has  some tom boy attributes, but they are out weighed by how girly she is. She loves painting her nails dressing up and doing girly things. She is the woman she is today because she was raised in our family!

I firmly believe that before we came to Earth we lived with our Father in heaven. We had personalities there as well that followed us here, it is important to know this because we lived with our Father in heaven he knows who we are. We have to always remember this because the world today tries very hard to tell us what we need to be. We had divine personalities then we came here to hone and practice that here on Earth. Gender is essential to gods plan.

We also talked about Same-sex attraction  which is a very touchy subject. My views on same sex attraction are simple I do not hate in any way shape or form the person I actually have a few friends who are Gay, but that doesn't mean I condone it in any way shape or form. There is a blog for those who care to read about someone who came out and said he was Gay and who is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. His name is Josh Weed and he has a wife and three children he has a wonderful blog up.
http://www.joshweed.com/2012/06/club-unicorn-in-which-i-come-out-of.html
 After we had this lesson I had a deeper understanding of those with same-sex attraction I still do not condone it but understand it a bit more.

So in essence this week was very important learning more about Gender roles and same-sex attraction and where they fit in with the family.

General Conference!

Low and behold I was not expecting the message that Elder Oaks gave to be so powerful and strike me to my very core! In class we had been talking about families and family interactions. We had also recently talked about birth rates and how they were declining. Elder Oaks gave a shout out that they have been lower then they ever have been in 25 years!!!  It was very shocking to say the least. He then goes on about how important it is to protect the children. I had been having some doubts about the marriage Therapist route and it was very scary for a moment thinking could I really do it is this the thing my Heavenly Father want me to do?  I had really been thinking about that When he  gave a talk about protecting the children.

The thought came to me that this world is not getting any better with family morals. In fact they are decaying values about family and children are disintegrating and  becoming almost like a past view or a very uncool look on our " hip modern society." This is what I needed to hear to strengthen my resolve in becoming a marriage counselor. It shocked me with how great of a talk he gave ( I will post the video when it becomes available for viewing in this post.) I for one am very grateful for Elder Oaks in giving this phenomenal talk which has inspired me to work as hard as I can to help families come closer to Christ. I am grateful for my family and how I was raised ( shout out to my parents and family there)  I know that families can be together forever and if you want to learn how Ask the missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints. This blog is for the sole purpose of helping people to understand how families are from God and how he wants us to live with him again. I know that these things are true and that the Church is true as well. I add my testimony to Elder Oaks on protecting children and the importance it is to have a family. I know that families are gifts to us here on Earth to help us learn to be like him. I also know that Children are gifts from God. We are all literal sons and daughters of God and it truly is a gift for the parents to raise a child in a good and righteous home. I love all of you I know that this is indeed what I need to do with my life to raise the call of how important families and marriage are.

Family webs

Last  Friday and Thursday we learned quite a bit about  something called family webs and the relationship between family members. I found this quite interesting  because it was a way as a marriage counselor I could see in my mind perhaps how the married couple act. When we talked about family webs we talked about rigid lines and clear lines and then some that were not there at all.  The rigid lines meant that a couple were together but there were some  problems that might be going on  in the marriage that makes them distant from one another. It was also interesting to see how when the relationship is rigid that sometimes people seem to gain distance from their spouse.

The next thing we talked about was the relationship that a clear line has. We likened that to a white picket fence where you have some bars but not a lot and people can see through it. Now thats not saying that one should publicly say what them and their spouse do all the time. The  clear line web is the type of relationship that shows that both of the members are open with each other.

In short this class  lessons this week really helped me to determine spot how relationship between family members are vital.

Every day this class gives me new perspectives on how family are to be and how one can have successful family.  I am always happy to learn in this class and how I can improve my family when I get there. I feel that these classes help me to understand how important family truly are to the world.

Kids and Family.

So in class we learned about the family demographics and the trends of  low birth rates and what is happening in the world. We learned that a lot of the world especially some countries in Europe have a very high declining birth rate.  A lot of families now a days including America are having maybe one to two children. In some people's minds that is not a bad little family, and its not. The thing is though that this trend is becoming more and more modern.

Now I think I should explain on where I am coming from though. You see I am from a family of seven, and I love large families so it is safe to assume I am going to have one as well. You see for me  bringing children into this world is a very very high calling. ( props to you moms and woman who wish to have children also for those who can't but adopt  my hat is tipped to you as well.)  I love large families and seeing this movie that we watched about how the fertility rate and birth rate are  dropping make me incredibly sad. Sad because I have  this love of family in my belief the bigger the better. For those of you who don't agree that's fine I speak of big families because I live in one ( even though I am away from them.)

Back to why this was important and why I found it interesting, I find that it just shows that  the family may becoming less and less important. That the self gratification generation has decided that children aren't for the them. It just saddens me that this may be where our generation goes to. The reason why I am so strong for family is because I am a Latter-Day Saint (or Mormon) Family is huge  to us both here on Earth but also  in the life after. We believe that families aren't just for this  Earth life, but that we can be with our families through all eternity.

The Family: A proclamation to the world.

This blog  is for the sole purpose of sharing information about the family. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints I am posting what we as members believe  about the family. To us the family is very sacred and important part here on this earth life. This proclamation which you can read comes from the Church. This Proclamation was given to us by a prophet of God whose name was Gordon B. Hinkley ( 1910-2008)

THE FAMILY

---

A PROCLAMATION TO THE WORLD

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of theChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

WE, THE FIRST PRESIDENCY and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

IN THE PREMORTAL REALM, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine destiny as heirs of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

WE DECLARE the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

WE WARN that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

WE CALL UPON responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.

I add my voice and testimony to the Proclamation that was given. I know that families are Ordained of God and that it is through our families we can go and live with our Heavenly Father. I know that the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true and living church upon the earth, and it was restored by his prophet Joseph Smith Jr. I know that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ it has blessed my life and I know that through its teaching it can bless yours.